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mIXEd bAg….

Growing up or growing out

Growing up years are so much fun. School, competition, those bruises while playing sports, a tab of innocence with a dust of envy, the fragility etc, so many emotions and situations and yet they are the best years and you want to revisit them so often 🙂 Then comes this scary phase when you are neither a child nor an adult! Absolutely hanging in the air, trying to figure out things. Confusion becomes your pal, your choices are many a times weird, impulsiveness becomes your second nature, indecisiveness is a result of perpetual wonder. OMG! feels like the world is coming tumbling down. And then there is this phase when you are all grown up like the ripened fruit. Your decisions are respected, advice acknowledged, choices accoladed. Feels like never being out of this phase, but then such is life. Phases and changes are a part of what we define as life. It can’t get stagnant and if it does, then there is some problem which you need to immediately fix.

While growing up is fun and full of memories, growing out is crazy. Friends are a major part of most people’s lives- social beings that we are. Giving a listening ear to someone in trouble or crisis is an essential element of friendship, which I am sure if not all but most of us do. Well I have always given a listening ear to my friends (though I am a chatter box myself), and well, I am not the agony aunt sorts. I suddenly realised one day, that the weirdest things my friends would tell me and think I would judge them, seems to be just another situation which needs to be dealt with. And then I started thinking to myself, am the weird types myself or have I just grown out of the years where things seem to be odd or incorrect? I remember as a teenager when one of my friends confided in me and told me that she lost her virginity and loved the fact, my jaw just dropped open in shock. I started telling her how it was not right and how it could lead to pregnancy or she might even get STD. Every time I think about this instance, I have a hearty laugh and my hubby refuses to believe I was so innocent :P. Jokes apart, nothing seems to shock me anymore. I have had a friend telling me something like being in this habit of changing boyfriends every quarter, because she gets bored with the guy, which is obviously a little to odd to digest. But I dint find it odd, instead gave her an easier solution to kill her boredom. Not that I can give solutions all the time, but sometimes the bulb in my grey cells just lights up :D. And a couple of days back when I was walking back home I was thinking to myself, is it odd that I don’t find things odd or have I just grown out of the weird feeling phase? Dint get an answer yet, but that’s fine, coz I read somewhere I guess, that instant solutions to problems of answers to questions are nothing but a frame of mind! Ouch scary!



Revelation

From no sense of style to making one’s own fashion statements, every woman has this chapter registered forever in her life. The day a woman graduates from an eye blinker to a head turner, is wow I achieved it day for her. Who doesn’t like compliments? – here men and women alike! God has definitely made every being on earth in his own likeness and image, but yet humans distinguish, judge and assume about people by their appearance, which I think is a very shallow thing to do. But on a lighter note, girls love to dress. And if I am not wrong, most men have this misconception that women dress to impress them. But that is not the truth! Most women dress up or look beautiful not to impress men all the time (though we enjoy the attention especially when we are head turners), it is the confidence and the self appreciation that she enjoys. Who wants to be judged all the time? Let the fashion critics do their job. So what if I may not be as curvacious as Kim Kardashian, I am miss beautiful in my own way 🙂 Those nice little things about a woman that sets her apart is so admirable. And the greatest blessing that God has bestowed on a woman – being able to give life and bring a new being into this world (of course the contribution by men is absolutely essential) is the ultimate gift in disguise. Well yes it comes with a package of hormonal changes, weight gain, mood swings etc., but I am sure the feeling is supreme and amazing 🙂

Well I know it is neither women’s day nor mother’s day, but who wants a day to feel special. Every day is special in a women’s life and with both my hands up in the air- yayayayayyyyy to all the women for being the woman they are 🙂

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Posted by on October 1, 2011 in friends, growing up years, women

 

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Sex & Marriage!

Oh yes, it reads correct- SEX & Marriage. Well not that we are unaware of the facts of life, but ya there are doubts we all have. And this question mark expression on my brow for sometime now lead me to brood and  finally write this post. We graduate, from crushes to puppy love, flirting, dating, falling in love and then finally getting married. But then as we grow out of one phase & grow into another, what defines it as ‘the ok or alright thing to do in that phase’?  I have of course gone through all of these stages and have entered the sacrament of matrimony and decided to settle with it.

But what I wonder more often than just accepting facts is, what expectations do men and woman have from marriage and specifically from Sex? I know how it feels during the different phases in life whether it is kiddish, stupid, foolish or even conniving. And hearing this from most of my female pals, that when you outgrow your puppy love or dating phase, you feel so stupid about what you did, I think we all learn only when we experience what is wrong or incorrect or maybe realizing there is a pit only after falling in it. Well  after a certain age when you mature enough and realization descents upon you, you grow wiser and become prudent. Experience is the mother of all the gyan (speeches, counseling etc)  that people in the world give and many pen it down and publish it making it best sellers as well. But do normal people like you and me go by what we hear, read or watch? I don’t think so. Situations vary so do people and their perspective about life.

And that’s precisely why I chose to write about sex and marriage. For most women (not all of course) marriage is the epitome of love and commitment.  It is a different & new life altogether, where she would feel secure, taken care of, be independent yet depend, in short give her a new lease of life. Well it is not the case with men (has never been from Adam’s time). For most men, marriage is another goal in life which is achieved by losing his freedom to a woman. A compatible sex partner and a girl who will make his house a home and of course take care of all his needs, while he earns max part of the bread. Though this is the generic stuff, there is lot more to do with sex after marriage. Not that people wait till marriage to indulge in the act, it becomes more of the thing to do when the man hits the bed. I may not be cent percent right here. But in the recent past came across a lot of such incidents that lead me to think why do men keep emotions at bay while making love, or consider sex as the ultimate form of pleasure?

A couple of months back my best friend (who had a love marriage) gives me the good news that she is pregnant. And since they had planned the baby, she was very excited and happy to welcome the baby. So was her husband. My friend is a prankster and so she thought of playing a prank on her husband. She told him that their doctor has asked her to refrain from sex till the time their baby is born. He was literary shattered. He was extremely disturbed and was not able to concentrate on work. After 2-3 days he told my friend to go for a second opinion and see if they could have sex at least till the 5th month which is the normal thing. She laughed and laughed and then told her husband that she was just playing a prank on him and it would be ok till the 5th month. I too laughed when she told me this, but then I was wondering, shouldn’t the husband be ok with it, if the mother and baby’s health is going to be at risk?

Yet another friend of mine called me and was weeping and weeping (not that I am an agony aunt, just that I become good listener if some1 is in trouble). I was obviously wondering what had happened till she told me that her sister’s husband was having an affair with someone while her sister is 7 months pregnant. I was shocked and had no clue what to say. I just couldn’t believe my ears, because I know this guy and he seemed to be the most sweet and understanding & responsible guy. I dint know what the hell was he doing sleeping with another woman when his wife was due to give birth to their child in 2 months.

A good friend of mine married this guy against her parents’s wish. The guy seemed to be good, decent and responsible. Was doing well for himself and above all loved my friend to death. So we all supported her and they got married. A year later they had a baby boy and both were very happy till the guy got a better opportunity and had to move to another city to pursue his career. My friend was not in a position to quit her job and move with him, since the baby was just a year old, and thus decided to stay back in their hometown. He come once a month to visit her and their baby and things were going fine till one day she got to know that he was having an affair with his colleague. Apparently the guy never told anyone that he was married and had a baby. My friend was shattered and dint know what to do as she could not even tell her parents about it and friends were her only comfort. I was extremely disturbed and upset seeing my friend with a 1 year old baby go through this turmoil.

I quoted these examples and have heard and seen many more incidents where infidelity wrecks marriage and if not all the time but most of the time it is men and the sex. Is sex so important that people leave their morals and become selfish enough to forgot everybody who’s lives are involved along with theirs?

I have often heard my male friends and men say that it is not only difficult but impossible to understand women. But I have a question here, how is the importance of sex for men justified and how easy is to understand men with such immoral and selfish behavior?

 
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Posted by on August 3, 2011 in emotions, life, love, marriage, men, sex, women

 

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The ” Miss Critique”

I never fall short of topics for my blog and love the fact that my mind is vigilant enough to think for itself. Gone are my teenage days when peers could influence me(which thankfully never happened in my case), someone’s opinion accepted by the society was the law, or some stubborn elders wanted to stick to the traditional things even if they were not reasonable. I have my opinions (highly opinionated that I am :D), my thoughts and rationale, which are duly owned and nurtured by me. Why should I go by what someone else says or thinks about people, circumstances, celebrations, calamities, fashion, movies, couture, politicians, artists, brands, government and everything under the roof of the universe?

Well here I am talking about as Wikipedia says it – “one of India’s top best-selling authors”, the one and only Shobha De. Too many adjectives out there isn’t it? I am definitely not a fan of her or what she writes in various newspapers and magazines. She suffers from what I would call, Heightened cynicism, sheer insecurity, idiosyncratic thoughts, peripatetic life. Well this dame does have the gift of the gab which she very ungraciously uses as a weapon to attack people who are either successful, or who are treading the path of success.  If someone has ever read even a single article authored by her, they would second me on this- she just writes negative aspects of things. If everyone raves about someone or like I mentioned earlier in my post, fashion, movies, artists etc she has to rip them apart. I mean who on hell does she think she is to impose her opinions which of course is subject to people’s discretion whether they accept it or not! One can be opinionated about things, but the overtly intelligent woman that she is, she would reflect on behalf of others as well. God this woman is the perfect example of “epitome of cynicism”. Just a few days back I was reading The Week magazine, where she happens to unfortunately be the guest author, I came across an article written by Miss critique on the Royal wedding. Well I am sure the high profile life that she leads, she was ticked off by the fact she was not invited to witness the exchange of wows by William & Kate. The article was a piece of trash where in one of the paragraphs she talks about Kate acknowledging the fact she is not a virgin and stuff. I mean wasn’t there more to the wedding? Of course it is going to be a big affair. Here we are talking about a Royal wedding which doesn’t take place every year. Even if it is hyped so what? Media blows everything out of proportion these days and that is no news to people! So what if her books are best sellers in India? Of course it will be a hit, if there is sex, gossip and crazy stuff in there.Don’t we all know that Mills and Boons is a super hit book with teenagers.

Couple of months back I was at a book launch cum review of a book called “Leading Ladies” by Sudha Menon and I was so glad to read the book where she actually traveled to various parts of the country to meet these highly respected woman who have achieved great milestones despite the crisis & hindrances they had to face to be where they are today.

Just because you have the money (of course marrying a rich businessman who had all the money in the world at his disposal) to wear layers of make-up and pick the most expensive jewellery and sarees doesn’t make you a woman of substance! You got to be woman like Kiran Bedi, Kiran Majumdar Shaw, P.T Usha and many others to be in the league where they are today. I am sure thousands of girls like me will be glad even if they achieved 5% of what these women have done and be able to do something for the country.

 
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Posted by on May 19, 2011 in Author, Books

 

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