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mIXEd bAg….

Growing up or growing out

Growing up years are so much fun. School, competition, those bruises while playing sports, a tab of innocence with a dust of envy, the fragility etc, so many emotions and situations and yet they are the best years and you want to revisit them so often 🙂 Then comes this scary phase when you are neither a child nor an adult! Absolutely hanging in the air, trying to figure out things. Confusion becomes your pal, your choices are many a times weird, impulsiveness becomes your second nature, indecisiveness is a result of perpetual wonder. OMG! feels like the world is coming tumbling down. And then there is this phase when you are all grown up like the ripened fruit. Your decisions are respected, advice acknowledged, choices accoladed. Feels like never being out of this phase, but then such is life. Phases and changes are a part of what we define as life. It can’t get stagnant and if it does, then there is some problem which you need to immediately fix.

While growing up is fun and full of memories, growing out is crazy. Friends are a major part of most people’s lives- social beings that we are. Giving a listening ear to someone in trouble or crisis is an essential element of friendship, which I am sure if not all but most of us do. Well I have always given a listening ear to my friends (though I am a chatter box myself), and well, I am not the agony aunt sorts. I suddenly realised one day, that the weirdest things my friends would tell me and think I would judge them, seems to be just another situation which needs to be dealt with. And then I started thinking to myself, am the weird types myself or have I just grown out of the years where things seem to be odd or incorrect? I remember as a teenager when one of my friends confided in me and told me that she lost her virginity and loved the fact, my jaw just dropped open in shock. I started telling her how it was not right and how it could lead to pregnancy or she might even get STD. Every time I think about this instance, I have a hearty laugh and my hubby refuses to believe I was so innocent :P. Jokes apart, nothing seems to shock me anymore. I have had a friend telling me something like being in this habit of changing boyfriends every quarter, because she gets bored with the guy, which is obviously a little to odd to digest. But I dint find it odd, instead gave her an easier solution to kill her boredom. Not that I can give solutions all the time, but sometimes the bulb in my grey cells just lights up :D. And a couple of days back when I was walking back home I was thinking to myself, is it odd that I don’t find things odd or have I just grown out of the weird feeling phase? Dint get an answer yet, but that’s fine, coz I read somewhere I guess, that instant solutions to problems of answers to questions are nothing but a frame of mind! Ouch scary!



Revelation

From no sense of style to making one’s own fashion statements, every woman has this chapter registered forever in her life. The day a woman graduates from an eye blinker to a head turner, is wow I achieved it day for her. Who doesn’t like compliments? – here men and women alike! God has definitely made every being on earth in his own likeness and image, but yet humans distinguish, judge and assume about people by their appearance, which I think is a very shallow thing to do. But on a lighter note, girls love to dress. And if I am not wrong, most men have this misconception that women dress to impress them. But that is not the truth! Most women dress up or look beautiful not to impress men all the time (though we enjoy the attention especially when we are head turners), it is the confidence and the self appreciation that she enjoys. Who wants to be judged all the time? Let the fashion critics do their job. So what if I may not be as curvacious as Kim Kardashian, I am miss beautiful in my own way 🙂 Those nice little things about a woman that sets her apart is so admirable. And the greatest blessing that God has bestowed on a woman – being able to give life and bring a new being into this world (of course the contribution by men is absolutely essential) is the ultimate gift in disguise. Well yes it comes with a package of hormonal changes, weight gain, mood swings etc., but I am sure the feeling is supreme and amazing 🙂

Well I know it is neither women’s day nor mother’s day, but who wants a day to feel special. Every day is special in a women’s life and with both my hands up in the air- yayayayayyyyy to all the women for being the woman they are 🙂

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Posted by on October 1, 2011 in friends, growing up years, women

 

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misS 21st centuRY!

So what answer do you get when you ask yourself, am I a 21st century girl/woman? Of course YES is the instant answer like the instant coffee,piping hot and refreshing in the initial few sips…..but then as you reach somewhere mid-way it gets colder and bitter. Even the greatest coffee lover in the world cannot deny it. Well this is the thing with most (if not all) 21st century women. The fact that we are bestowed with best education, are given the liberty to make choices, decisions are at our disposal etc., gives the boost to engrave in our minds and hearts that we are the 21st century woman. But then what I wonder at times is what defines being  a 21st century woman? Good education, freedom of choice, adapting the western culture, being able to smoke and booze and yet not be judged by the society or people surrounding us or walking back home late at night with no fear of being molested or raped? Or yet a level below, not being beaten up by your drunk or conscious husband/ boyfriend (educated men included), not being sold to brothels by father, brother, uncle or husband,  or being modern and yet keeping the traditional ties intact. Honestly I am confused!!!

Rape, dowry deaths, suicides due to in-laws harassing may sound primitive, but they still make headlines in our daily dose of news and very much exist in large numbers in our society. What we call a modern day life has lead to in increase deaths due to depression, loneliness, stress and pressure. Something astonishing that I read a few days ago was about the increase in the number of suicides by young and successful models. They define what we call the modern day, independent girl/woman, living life at the edge. But in the glaring lights of fashion and glitterati, they are all lonely beings who live in dark holes where drugs, cigarettes and alcohol are their  only friends and their path to solace! Very unfortunate indeed.

While fashion and glamour world is an extreme example of a girl’s modern life, there is something in between that exists which is equally dangerous and terminal. Its like cancer that crawls inside one’s body for a very long time and then finally kills the person. Most of us lead our day to day lives very normally without even realizing that something of this sort exists. As a woman, she is expected to be great at multi-tasking. Gone are the days when woman took pride in being homemakers. Today women live by ambitions, and dreams to make it big. But that doesn’t giver her the liberty to be a mediocre at managing things at home. Maids these days are not easy to get and even if you manage to get one, they are definitely far more demanding than you would be at your work place. What I fail to understand is the fact about women being constantly judged. Judged by parents – (is this seed going to reap fruits?), colleagues ( eg- who said a girl wearing short skirt is trying to seduce men at work or trying to get an easy promotion?), critiques – (Will Mamata Banerjee be able to transform or reform Kolkata? ) husbands – (if a wife does not manage her career and house equally well and pleases his parents and relatives she is not a good wife or is not as good as his mother.)

Success doesn’t come in handy, one has to strive and struggle to taste success. And for today’s woman I guess, it definitely comes with a lot of SACRIFICE, STRIVE & STRUGGLE.

While nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it is going to be this hard!!!

 
 

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Sex & Marriage!

Oh yes, it reads correct- SEX & Marriage. Well not that we are unaware of the facts of life, but ya there are doubts we all have. And this question mark expression on my brow for sometime now lead me to brood and  finally write this post. We graduate, from crushes to puppy love, flirting, dating, falling in love and then finally getting married. But then as we grow out of one phase & grow into another, what defines it as ‘the ok or alright thing to do in that phase’?  I have of course gone through all of these stages and have entered the sacrament of matrimony and decided to settle with it.

But what I wonder more often than just accepting facts is, what expectations do men and woman have from marriage and specifically from Sex? I know how it feels during the different phases in life whether it is kiddish, stupid, foolish or even conniving. And hearing this from most of my female pals, that when you outgrow your puppy love or dating phase, you feel so stupid about what you did, I think we all learn only when we experience what is wrong or incorrect or maybe realizing there is a pit only after falling in it. Well  after a certain age when you mature enough and realization descents upon you, you grow wiser and become prudent. Experience is the mother of all the gyan (speeches, counseling etc)  that people in the world give and many pen it down and publish it making it best sellers as well. But do normal people like you and me go by what we hear, read or watch? I don’t think so. Situations vary so do people and their perspective about life.

And that’s precisely why I chose to write about sex and marriage. For most women (not all of course) marriage is the epitome of love and commitment.  It is a different & new life altogether, where she would feel secure, taken care of, be independent yet depend, in short give her a new lease of life. Well it is not the case with men (has never been from Adam’s time). For most men, marriage is another goal in life which is achieved by losing his freedom to a woman. A compatible sex partner and a girl who will make his house a home and of course take care of all his needs, while he earns max part of the bread. Though this is the generic stuff, there is lot more to do with sex after marriage. Not that people wait till marriage to indulge in the act, it becomes more of the thing to do when the man hits the bed. I may not be cent percent right here. But in the recent past came across a lot of such incidents that lead me to think why do men keep emotions at bay while making love, or consider sex as the ultimate form of pleasure?

A couple of months back my best friend (who had a love marriage) gives me the good news that she is pregnant. And since they had planned the baby, she was very excited and happy to welcome the baby. So was her husband. My friend is a prankster and so she thought of playing a prank on her husband. She told him that their doctor has asked her to refrain from sex till the time their baby is born. He was literary shattered. He was extremely disturbed and was not able to concentrate on work. After 2-3 days he told my friend to go for a second opinion and see if they could have sex at least till the 5th month which is the normal thing. She laughed and laughed and then told her husband that she was just playing a prank on him and it would be ok till the 5th month. I too laughed when she told me this, but then I was wondering, shouldn’t the husband be ok with it, if the mother and baby’s health is going to be at risk?

Yet another friend of mine called me and was weeping and weeping (not that I am an agony aunt, just that I become good listener if some1 is in trouble). I was obviously wondering what had happened till she told me that her sister’s husband was having an affair with someone while her sister is 7 months pregnant. I was shocked and had no clue what to say. I just couldn’t believe my ears, because I know this guy and he seemed to be the most sweet and understanding & responsible guy. I dint know what the hell was he doing sleeping with another woman when his wife was due to give birth to their child in 2 months.

A good friend of mine married this guy against her parents’s wish. The guy seemed to be good, decent and responsible. Was doing well for himself and above all loved my friend to death. So we all supported her and they got married. A year later they had a baby boy and both were very happy till the guy got a better opportunity and had to move to another city to pursue his career. My friend was not in a position to quit her job and move with him, since the baby was just a year old, and thus decided to stay back in their hometown. He come once a month to visit her and their baby and things were going fine till one day she got to know that he was having an affair with his colleague. Apparently the guy never told anyone that he was married and had a baby. My friend was shattered and dint know what to do as she could not even tell her parents about it and friends were her only comfort. I was extremely disturbed and upset seeing my friend with a 1 year old baby go through this turmoil.

I quoted these examples and have heard and seen many more incidents where infidelity wrecks marriage and if not all the time but most of the time it is men and the sex. Is sex so important that people leave their morals and become selfish enough to forgot everybody who’s lives are involved along with theirs?

I have often heard my male friends and men say that it is not only difficult but impossible to understand women. But I have a question here, how is the importance of sex for men justified and how easy is to understand men with such immoral and selfish behavior?

 
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Posted by on August 3, 2011 in emotions, life, love, marriage, men, sex, women

 

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Dealing with PMS

One issue which will remain an issue for all women till menopause is Premenstrual syndrome or PMS. This is one sad thing that has neither any medication nor is unavoidable.  PMS is like a horn or a warning signboard of the forth coming danger.

According to Wikipedia,” PMS is a collection of physical, psychological and emotional symptoms related to a woman’s menstrual cycle.”

college-depression

While it may sound just another routine problem that is a part of a woman’s physical attribute, it is not that simple! In the first place it is the most repulsive phase of the month for a woman. The symptoms vary from irritation,  terrible mood swings, tension , depression, dysphoria(unhappiness) to headaches, backaches, stomach cramps leg cramps. for physical agony at least there are medicines that can be consumed and pain eased. But there is no solution as such to the other syndrome. Then there are hormonal changes that a woman goes through every month during her menses which is not a very pleasant thing either.This is may sound surprising but during menses most of the women have some or the other kind of craving for food.

Here are a few tips or rather a few ways of dealing with PMS:

  • The most important thing, around menstruation date, try not being alone. Loneliness ads to the agony.
  • As soon as one gets a craving to eat something, its better to feast on it for the sheer joy of it. It will make you happy.
  • Try and have loads of liquids, sweets(not chocolates unless you have the craving for it) and cooling stuff to ease your mood swings
  • Indulge in things that make you feel happy- The feel good factor!
  • Consume multi-vitamins capsule that will help you overcome fatigue and will keep you active
  • Sleep well. You will wake up fresh and in good mood
  • Avoid consumption of caffeine, alcohol & cigarettes
  • Exercise regularly to stay fit and active

For guys a few things to keep in mind and understand the situation:

  • Its not a very a pleasant thing for us so please do not irritate and bug us by making us wait somewhere, or arguing.
  • Every month we are going to have PMS unless we are pregnant, so for a few days try and make us feel good, keep us happy if you do not want to bear the brunt of it
  • If we have cravings we cant help it so do not say we are obnoxious, instead be sweet and get us what we want or accompany us
  • Pamper us during those times so that we are calm and can deal with our PMS

Well there could different and various other ways of dealing with PMS, but most of them do not work as they are not very effective. But then we are God’s creation and can’t question his creativity, but can definitely enhance it.

 

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Shopping spreee….Women vs Men!

Science has always been this massive proof book for most of us and yes one of the greatest beliefs that we nurture is Women are different from men and vice verse. Of course TRUE to the core……..who can ever deny this fact………But here I have a little thought or may be an opinion about how metro sexuality has changed the whole  scenario in present times……

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Well it doesn’t come as a surprise to me, if I see a guy in pink shirt or using fairness cream or going to men’s beauty parlor often……My very good friend in college would make sure that his eyebrows are time to time threaded and he bleached his face at least once a month….I mean I wouldn’t take that much of effort because I was a tomboy through out school and degree college…..I of course mellowed down, but until recently would not bee much bothered about the shape of my eyebrows or my black (curly) locks……..

I have yet another friend who one fine day tells me that he got some oxygen facial done where he spent some 5 grands…..I was like wooow………And the same friend observes my lipstick and says yeah its caramel candy right! I was like God…I only know the brand but had forgotten the name of the shade……

guyAnd when it comes to shopping, I have seen boyfriends, husbands and guy friends cribbing about how fussy women are and how they go to 10 shops to buy just one pair of jeans or sandle……But here I have something different to say……..I had been to Pune recently(December 08), and met my very good (guy) friend and then after having coffee, we decided that since we will go shopping……Since I had to shop for him as his birthday was nearing, and also had to shop something for myself, we set to shop……I had to buy him a funky tee-shirt…….We went to a mall, I thought it wouldn’t take much time because may be he’ll check out like 3-4 shops and buy 1……But I spent like 2 hours ( not exaggerating), going from 1 store to the other…Levis, Lee, Wrangler, UCB, Pepe Jeans, Provogue, Spykar…..All of these and some of them we visited twice…..In the end he found Spykar alright and there he tried some 10 tee shirts before he finally agreed to buy one.

This is just one such incident, I have guy friends who shop for hours and hours and yet love to shop……

So I think its time all the men who crib about women taking hours to dress up, spending money on parlors and shopping crazily stop cribbing and accept that metro sexuality has hit them!

 

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