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Sex & Marriage!

Oh yes, it reads correct- SEX & Marriage. Well not that we are unaware of the facts of life, but ya there are doubts we all have. And this question mark expression on my brow for sometime now lead me to brood and  finally write this post. We graduate, from crushes to puppy love, flirting, dating, falling in love and then finally getting married. But then as we grow out of one phase & grow into another, what defines it as ‘the ok or alright thing to do in that phase’?  I have of course gone through all of these stages and have entered the sacrament of matrimony and decided to settle with it.

But what I wonder more often than just accepting facts is, what expectations do men and woman have from marriage and specifically from Sex? I know how it feels during the different phases in life whether it is kiddish, stupid, foolish or even conniving. And hearing this from most of my female pals, that when you outgrow your puppy love or dating phase, you feel so stupid about what you did, I think we all learn only when we experience what is wrong or incorrect or maybe realizing there is a pit only after falling in it. Well  after a certain age when you mature enough and realization descents upon you, you grow wiser and become prudent. Experience is the mother of all the gyan (speeches, counseling etc)  that people in the world give and many pen it down and publish it making it best sellers as well. But do normal people like you and me go by what we hear, read or watch? I don’t think so. Situations vary so do people and their perspective about life.

And that’s precisely why I chose to write about sex and marriage. For most women (not all of course) marriage is the epitome of love and commitment.  It is a different & new life altogether, where she would feel secure, taken care of, be independent yet depend, in short give her a new lease of life. Well it is not the case with men (has never been from Adam’s time). For most men, marriage is another goal in life which is achieved by losing his freedom to a woman. A compatible sex partner and a girl who will make his house a home and of course take care of all his needs, while he earns max part of the bread. Though this is the generic stuff, there is lot more to do with sex after marriage. Not that people wait till marriage to indulge in the act, it becomes more of the thing to do when the man hits the bed. I may not be cent percent right here. But in the recent past came across a lot of such incidents that lead me to think why do men keep emotions at bay while making love, or consider sex as the ultimate form of pleasure?

A couple of months back my best friend (who had a love marriage) gives me the good news that she is pregnant. And since they had planned the baby, she was very excited and happy to welcome the baby. So was her husband. My friend is a prankster and so she thought of playing a prank on her husband. She told him that their doctor has asked her to refrain from sex till the time their baby is born. He was literary shattered. He was extremely disturbed and was not able to concentrate on work. After 2-3 days he told my friend to go for a second opinion and see if they could have sex at least till the 5th month which is the normal thing. She laughed and laughed and then told her husband that she was just playing a prank on him and it would be ok till the 5th month. I too laughed when she told me this, but then I was wondering, shouldn’t the husband be ok with it, if the mother and baby’s health is going to be at risk?

Yet another friend of mine called me and was weeping and weeping (not that I am an agony aunt, just that I become good listener if some1 is in trouble). I was obviously wondering what had happened till she told me that her sister’s husband was having an affair with someone while her sister is 7 months pregnant. I was shocked and had no clue what to say. I just couldn’t believe my ears, because I know this guy and he seemed to be the most sweet and understanding & responsible guy. I dint know what the hell was he doing sleeping with another woman when his wife was due to give birth to their child in 2 months.

A good friend of mine married this guy against her parents’s wish. The guy seemed to be good, decent and responsible. Was doing well for himself and above all loved my friend to death. So we all supported her and they got married. A year later they had a baby boy and both were very happy till the guy got a better opportunity and had to move to another city to pursue his career. My friend was not in a position to quit her job and move with him, since the baby was just a year old, and thus decided to stay back in their hometown. He come once a month to visit her and their baby and things were going fine till one day she got to know that he was having an affair with his colleague. Apparently the guy never told anyone that he was married and had a baby. My friend was shattered and dint know what to do as she could not even tell her parents about it and friends were her only comfort. I was extremely disturbed and upset seeing my friend with a 1 year old baby go through this turmoil.

I quoted these examples and have heard and seen many more incidents where infidelity wrecks marriage and if not all the time but most of the time it is men and the sex. Is sex so important that people leave their morals and become selfish enough to forgot everybody who’s lives are involved along with theirs?

I have often heard my male friends and men say that it is not only difficult but impossible to understand women. But I have a question here, how is the importance of sex for men justified and how easy is to understand men with such immoral and selfish behavior?

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Posted by on August 3, 2011 in emotions, life, love, marriage, men, sex, women

 

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mY biG fAt wedDINg :)

Hello everybody. I write this post as Mrs Valerine Benson :). Makes me feel delighted to write  after a break of two months.

On Saturday, 16th October, 2010 at 3.00 pm, at St. Anthony’s Church is where I took the vows of loving and being the better half (I hope I am never his bitter half ever) to the love of my life Benson.

Well wedding is definitely a huge affair and it becomes crazier if the to-be bride or groom end up doing all the running around for the wedding . The great thing about it is that you can proudly lay back and say, ‘We made our wedding a beautiful one”. And oh yes I do feel the same after the hectic time I had. (running around to ensure things are in place and under control even two days before the wedding.)

Honestly it hasn’t sunk in yet that I am married (May be because I am just 25 and a half) :P.  Friends and acquaintance keep asking, ‘So how is married life?, how does it feel being married? or how are you Mrs. Benson?” To which my only reply is great with a  broad blushing smile. Oh yes I have started blushing a lot. Right from the day we were engaged.  Well I would define it specifically for myself as a free flowing happy emotion :).

Our wedding day was really amazing. We had timed everything and wanted things to go as per the schedule. But well it is a wedding house, relatives and friends and kids are around, things tend to go a little out of hand. Well the bride (of course me) arrives from Lakme Beauty Salon ( A huge thanks to my dresser – Lakshmi who did a very subtle make up for me and a lovely hairstyle) and to her dismay nobody in the house is ready including her dear mommy and sister. Oh she was furious and instead of smiling she was shouting and yelling at everybody and the poor photographer had to say, please calm down and smile, its your big-day and you want beautiful pictures to cherish. Within less than a minute there was a radiant smile all over her face 🙂

Both of us arrive in Church on time 🙂 I was extremely excited with hundreds of butterflies in my stomach 🙂 We enter the Church and the most beautiful moment was when we exchange our vows for life, he ties the taali (mangalsutra) and we exchange rings. And then the photo session. What excitement, and I was thrilled and happy and my smile was brighter than the sunshine 😛 And as soon as we sat in the car, I hugged my husband and said yayayayayay, we are married can you believe this? He was like oh yes we are married. (I could read his mind saying, Oh s**t man I have lost my freedom 😛

The funny part, I was feeling super hungry (and yes my friends Shrey, Adi, Poojitha and Mitesh would know how crazy I go when I am hungry and don’t get food.). we did not obviously carry food nor did we want to go in our wedding clothes to a restaurant. So the best man volunteered to get some quick bite for me. We reached pretty early to the reception hall and discovered there was KFC nearby and I had a zinger burger with coke 🙂 I guess KFC should make an ad about how famous they are. A bride goes to KFC to eat a zinger burger after her wedding :).

After we reached the reception hall, it was great fun. Our lovely friends Kynan, Joel and Michelle were playing DJ for the evening and our  awesome MC- Kynan made us dance and dance and it was super fun. It was great to see friends and family members coming from near and far to bless and be a part of our special day 🙂

After the wedding, there is a tradition, where the bride’s entire family goes to drop her to her in-laws’ place.  All my aunts, cousins and uncles came to drop me and while giving me the last hug everyone was crying except for me.  And after all of them left, my sweet father-in-law takes out a handkerchief and asks me, ‘ Are you not going to cry?” I just smiled and said no. Well my excitement was not yet over :). The only thing I was feeling sad about was that I would not be able to wear my beautiful gown again 😦

This new phase of life has slowly started to grow on me and yes it is a new discovery every day 🙂

 

 
6 Comments

Posted by on November 24, 2010 in love, Wedding

 

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Strange but true!

A family of animal lovers that I belong to, couldn’t do much but inherited it. Its not only pets that I am crazy about, but any animal rite from an earthworm to squirrel to dogs or birds in the sky easily grab my attention and love admiring them. I grew up with animals around me. I remember my mum telling me that even as a 9-10 months old baby I would be thrilled to see animals and would not get scarred to go and play with them. In fact it was easier for mum to feed me food when dogs, cats or squirrels and rabbits were around.

But then recently I discovered something strange about animals. I never knew that animals too can be born with some genetic defects and be retarded. And it is really painful to see them. I thought it was most painful to see humans in such a state, but with animals its all the more appalling as they have to bear the brunt of human beings who care a damn!

I think if we realize that some animal is suffering, instead of being inhumane and throwing stones at them, if we cannot do anything for them we should not harm them either.

It was because of my sweet mommy that I realized that animals too can have genetic defect. I captured a few of them.

. This dog cannot see properly

 
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Posted by on March 12, 2010 in animals, emotions, family

 

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Sweet Angels

Innocence in their eyes,

Naughtiness in their smile,

Love in their babbling noise,

Irritation and unsaid pain in their loud cry,

It can only be defined as “Sweet little Angels sent from heaven.

Though we may be grown ups and crossed that age of innocence, madness, fun, playfulness etc, we are still child at heart. I completed a year of blogging last week and was thinking of birth in various forms. So I thought of  writing a post dedicating to three of my cute little nieces and nephew.

Cute little 3 months old Ishaana on her naming ceremony

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Naughty 1 year 6 months old naughty Karthik tied to the staircase so that he doesn’t run away while his mum is in the kitchen

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Sweet 6 years old Saakshi with her mommy 🙂

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All of them are adorable and cute kids who are such addicts that you can’t leave them

 
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Posted by on October 26, 2009 in innocence, kids, love, nature, playful

 

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Does proximity really matter?

Humans that we are it is in our blood and nature to share our thoughts and feelings with someone or some people we are close to. (here I don’t mean just physically close)…..Who can keep things in a closet especially when you are extremely happy, achieved something,something exciting happening in your life, unpleasant things, when life’s ruthless, times when nothing seems to be going right…Well these are so routine things! Apart from this there could be things you would want to talk about probably….If you have slapped a guy, back answered or insulted your boss, asked a guy/girl out, had a sad date,  your jaw dropped when you saw a handsome guy and then you dropped when he spoke something, etc….

But here is something I have been doing since probably my high school. Well I was a complete tomboy in school, was an athlete and was big time into sports, so my core attention would be sports, extra curricular activities and yes studies also….Fortunately I had brains enough not to mug up things, could fare well in exams even if I studied the last moment which was anyways the case….Because of all these things I dint have much time for boys at that point in time…all my friends would be like either hitting on boys or being hit on……and then they would come to me with their heartbreak stories, or how to enhance their relationship, or how to break up etc….Well I was and I am very good at solving problems or rather giving them solutions which can be implemented…..

That was high school and thus somehow I became a person who people rely blindly on and come with all of their issues…..Now this is something that was a little weird for me to resolve and I am yet to come up with a solution for one of my very good friends. May sound very silly and trivial but thus it is…..My friend loves chatting on the net and she religiously does that every single day….One fine day she happen to chat with a stranger, a guy she had never met nor knew or heard from before….She started chatting as just another thing and now before she could realize, she kinda has got attached to him. Now here the issue is that she has never met the guy before, but yes has spoken to him…..He lives abroad and she in India…According to her he seems to be a decent guy but then she does n’t know where it is leading her to….Ya the most simple solution the obvious thing would be she shouldn’t have entertained him in the first place. Now that we cannot undo things, what she feels is she may fall in love with that guy. So in the first instance I told her, stop talking to that guy. How does it matter when you know you are not going to meet him in the near future…..According to her even if she stops talking to him, she says she has started missing him and is getting attached to him with every passing day…Now to add to her misery, she doesnt know if the guy feels the same way as she does and is absolutely clueless as to what has he on his mind for her, apart from the fact that he finds her intelligent,  sweet, geniun and caring.

Well I am still to figure out as to how to get her out of this situation, but then I was wondering, many a times we feel or believe that we can relate to a person only if the person is in physical proximity….But then, I also know of my friends and acquaintances who have fallen in love through social networking sites and today are happily married….So my dilemma here is as to what to advice her, to get over it and move on in life or to go with the flow till the guy expresses whats on his mind!

 

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10 ways to get over your X……

Well I am sure everyone of us at some point of time have had a relation which dint really work (glad for those whose 1st relationship worked)……Not that we dint give our best each time we were in a relationship but I guess some things are just not meant to happen…but yes don’t we love to fall a prey becuase at that point of time we thought that was the right thing to do……Or maybe it was the most beautiful thing to do……Well only if life had to be so simple and if there were no twist and turns,  joy, sorrow, wickedness, playing pranks, adventure, embarassments, the kodak moment, the envy moments, lust, care …it would be so dull and mundane……..

Well I have a few ideas/suggestions to get over your ex-relations(which are v practical at a time when one feels shattered, heart broken )…..

  1. Everything happens for a reason, and believe that reason is for good
  2. You are the best and you desever someone really aweosme
  3. If you want to get over the relation completely its best not to be in touch with that person, because somewhere some thoughts linger around and makes you feel sad
  4. Just think of all the possible things that the person did to hurt you, which of course you dint desrve
  5. Go out, make new friends, change your routine, do things that make you feel good
  6. Pamper your self in very possible way
  7. Try not to be a loner
  8. Keep your mind involved in something or the other……If you just lie down and think you will miss him/her
  9. Try doing things that you never did before, go trecking, partying, pubbing or join dance clases or anything that gives you excitment
  10. And last but not the least, keep your hook ready, there are many fish in the pond 🙂
 
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Posted by on March 30, 2009 in adventure, anger, friends, hatred, life, love, lust, relationship

 

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It is just…… a lITTLe cRUSh!

shy

Yet another crush! Yeah its an ongoing process, guess in everybody’s life…M not the only exception here!

Let me go back down my memory lane exactly 10 years ago, when I had my first ever crush…..This is what I would term as a ‘SIN’ of my first ever entry into the world of  temptations and covetousness………My first crush apparently happened to be a priest, who was of course very young and good looking and was ordained (when a brother becomes a priest) just a year ago….Whenever I attended the mass, I would just keep staring at him instead of paying attention to the homily(a small sermon) and praying….Whenever I would speak to him, with every sentence he would say ‘my child’ and I would be like please no child…..But then I out grew it once I passed my 10th grade…….

My next crush was this sweet guy who happen to be my classmate’s bother….but of course that was very short lived…

Well after this for a long time ( 1 yr) I never had a crush on anyone…I know its strange!….But then I started working for a BPO and yes how could I not expose myself to crushes………Our trainee….Oh My God! He was steaming HOT…..And I just had a mighty crush on him…….But then it again dint last for long….. 3 months and all the steam just vaporized……..After that within 2 weeks I had another crush….This time it was my manager……….He was not at all hot, nor was he great looking, but he was so cute, adorable and of course very sweet guy…….The first time I ever interacted with him, I just was swept off my feet…..And then one fine day when I was giving this gyan to my very good friend on not to waste food & how so many people don’t even get 2 square meal a day and stuff……My manager(who I had a crush on) just turns around and smiles at me! I stood still and started blushing not knowing what to say and I just ran away from there…….

After this I kept having small crushes every now and then and it just fizzled out……..

But of course since its an ongoing process at least till the time I am committed(may be even after that), yet another crush bug bit me! This time, unlike he others, I just did not like this guy at the first instance……He had this huge attitude and would just not talk…I thought he was such a snob, arrogant, and wired guy! And then since he too is in the same industry as I am in, we kept bumping into each other….this lead to meeting more often, talking more often and then before even we could become good friends, I realized that I again had a mighty crush on this guy……I mean after a long time I had this huge crush on someone and someone who I initially hated!

Well I am sure many of us go through this phase, and I wonder where did this concept of crush come from??????

 
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Posted by on December 15, 2008 in BPO, emotions, friends, good looks, priest, sin

 

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