Sex & Marriage!

03 Aug

Oh yes, it reads correct- SEX & Marriage. Well not that we are unaware of the facts of life, but ya there are doubts we all have. And this question mark expression on my brow for sometime now lead me to brood and  finally write this post. We graduate, from crushes to puppy love, flirting, dating, falling in love and then finally getting married. But then as we grow out of one phase & grow into another, what defines it as ‘the ok or alright thing to do in that phase’?  I have of course gone through all of these stages and have entered the sacrament of matrimony and decided to settle with it.

But what I wonder more often than just accepting facts is, what expectations do men and woman have from marriage and specifically from Sex? I know how it feels during the different phases in life whether it is kiddish, stupid, foolish or even conniving. And hearing this from most of my female pals, that when you outgrow your puppy love or dating phase, you feel so stupid about what you did, I think we all learn only when we experience what is wrong or incorrect or maybe realizing there is a pit only after falling in it. Well  after a certain age when you mature enough and realization descents upon you, you grow wiser and become prudent. Experience is the mother of all the gyan (speeches, counseling etc)  that people in the world give and many pen it down and publish it making it best sellers as well. But do normal people like you and me go by what we hear, read or watch? I don’t think so. Situations vary so do people and their perspective about life.

And that’s precisely why I chose to write about sex and marriage. For most women (not all of course) marriage is the epitome of love and commitment.  It is a different & new life altogether, where she would feel secure, taken care of, be independent yet depend, in short give her a new lease of life. Well it is not the case with men (has never been from Adam’s time). For most men, marriage is another goal in life which is achieved by losing his freedom to a woman. A compatible sex partner and a girl who will make his house a home and of course take care of all his needs, while he earns max part of the bread. Though this is the generic stuff, there is lot more to do with sex after marriage. Not that people wait till marriage to indulge in the act, it becomes more of the thing to do when the man hits the bed. I may not be cent percent right here. But in the recent past came across a lot of such incidents that lead me to think why do men keep emotions at bay while making love, or consider sex as the ultimate form of pleasure?

A couple of months back my best friend (who had a love marriage) gives me the good news that she is pregnant. And since they had planned the baby, she was very excited and happy to welcome the baby. So was her husband. My friend is a prankster and so she thought of playing a prank on her husband. She told him that their doctor has asked her to refrain from sex till the time their baby is born. He was literary shattered. He was extremely disturbed and was not able to concentrate on work. After 2-3 days he told my friend to go for a second opinion and see if they could have sex at least till the 5th month which is the normal thing. She laughed and laughed and then told her husband that she was just playing a prank on him and it would be ok till the 5th month. I too laughed when she told me this, but then I was wondering, shouldn’t the husband be ok with it, if the mother and baby’s health is going to be at risk?

Yet another friend of mine called me and was weeping and weeping (not that I am an agony aunt, just that I become good listener if some1 is in trouble). I was obviously wondering what had happened till she told me that her sister’s husband was having an affair with someone while her sister is 7 months pregnant. I was shocked and had no clue what to say. I just couldn’t believe my ears, because I know this guy and he seemed to be the most sweet and understanding & responsible guy. I dint know what the hell was he doing sleeping with another woman when his wife was due to give birth to their child in 2 months.

A good friend of mine married this guy against her parents’s wish. The guy seemed to be good, decent and responsible. Was doing well for himself and above all loved my friend to death. So we all supported her and they got married. A year later they had a baby boy and both were very happy till the guy got a better opportunity and had to move to another city to pursue his career. My friend was not in a position to quit her job and move with him, since the baby was just a year old, and thus decided to stay back in their hometown. He come once a month to visit her and their baby and things were going fine till one day she got to know that he was having an affair with his colleague. Apparently the guy never told anyone that he was married and had a baby. My friend was shattered and dint know what to do as she could not even tell her parents about it and friends were her only comfort. I was extremely disturbed and upset seeing my friend with a 1 year old baby go through this turmoil.

I quoted these examples and have heard and seen many more incidents where infidelity wrecks marriage and if not all the time but most of the time it is men and the sex. Is sex so important that people leave their morals and become selfish enough to forgot everybody who’s lives are involved along with theirs?

I have often heard my male friends and men say that it is not only difficult but impossible to understand women. But I have a question here, how is the importance of sex for men justified and how easy is to understand men with such immoral and selfish behavior?


Posted by on August 3, 2011 in emotions, life, love, marriage, men, sex, women


Tags: , , , , , , ,

25 responses to “Sex & Marriage!

  1. mahlaqa

    August 3, 2011 at 5:04 pm

    hi val
    such a true post val. n well sex is the single most important thing for guys i guess 🙂

  2. Jisha Ponnappan

    August 4, 2011 at 7:25 am

    Very well written Valerine. And even if they get everything they want they still complain…LOSERS :X

  3. It's My Thoughts

    August 4, 2011 at 10:46 am

    I really enjoyed reading this and I enjoyed your frankness in your writing… I’m actually in the middle of writing something about this too..

    It’s really simple… sex for a female is an extension of her emotions… and most women will only indulge in this physical act when they are in love… that is what sex is to us a way to communicate our deeper emotions to someone we are in deeply in love with.. weather we are married or not.

    For men sex isn’t about love, they rarely connect the two. For them sex is a need and requirement. It’s about lust and greed and all about physical attraction. When they fall in love with someone it’s rarely about sex or her looks and more about their emotions and respect for a woman who must now be pure and put on a level above everyone else.

    That’s why it’s so easy for them to go out and have affairs because they just see it as filling a need and it has nothing to do with their emotions or love.

  4. Valerine

    August 4, 2011 at 10:52 am

    True Mahlaqa:)

    Welcome to my blog Jisha ..thanks 🙂

  5. Valerine

    August 4, 2011 at 10:54 am

    Hey thanks ITM for dropping by 🙂 agree with what you say 🙂 hope to read your thoughts soon 🙂

  6. mahlaqa

    August 4, 2011 at 11:48 am

    @ aneesa aka ITM i agree with each word u say..

  7. It's My Thoughts

    August 4, 2011 at 7:56 pm

    Wow thanks girls for agreeing with me.. im well chuffed… do drop by soon Valerine will love to hear your thoughts….

    Wish you both a good day…


  8. Khanum

    August 5, 2011 at 7:28 am

    Men and Women, they are different from each other. That is why they said to be , OPPOSITE gender. Keyword: OPPOSITE. So naturally, their minds don’t think alike. Allah in Qur’an does say that Men have many weaknesses and women is one of them.
    However, there have been prophets, saints and right men in the world too who do act understanding towards their partners’ problems. Meaning, despite that a woman is a weakness for the husband, nonetheless, it is in the capacity of the man yet, to act in harmony with the wife and understanding. It’s just difficult, not impossible. But You know Verbal Fiend (What’s your name friend?) , hardly 1 percent men see their partners as partners and not sex objects.

  9. Khanum

    August 5, 2011 at 7:28 am

    This piece is absolutely interesting, a good read and written by a pretty writer. Your DP is stunning. 🙂

  10. Khanum

    August 5, 2011 at 7:30 am

    Sorry, i forgot your name is Valerine. lol…:( Valerine seems like a medicine name…hai na? :$ what does it mean?

  11. Valerine

    August 5, 2011 at 11:03 am

    Sure thing Aneesa 🙂

  12. Valerine

    August 5, 2011 at 11:06 am

    Hey Pervisha aka Khanum…that is indeed a wonderful way of looking at men….And I love the part that women (sex) are men’s weakness. But I would rather want Women to be men’s strenght 🙂 Thanks for compliment 🙂 blush blush …

    Well my name is a Latin word which mean vigor 😀

  13. Natasha

    August 8, 2011 at 12:01 pm

    Your friends should divorce their cheating husbands.

  14. Natasha

    August 8, 2011 at 12:03 pm

    And yes men and women ARE different.

    I wont blame all men though.

  15. Valerine

    August 9, 2011 at 8:08 am

    Hi Natasha, thanks for visiting…Well my initial reaction was similar to yours….But then while in some case divorce is the ultimate, in others its not…I would put it this way…Marriage is a gamble..You never know what your luck will get you….And about \Men and women being different..of course…there are no second thoughts or opinions to that….While not all men are not A******…most of them are…

  16. himanshu

    August 11, 2011 at 12:04 pm

    i wud beg to defer…sex is not a need for a man….n its also not easy for a man to just get over a relationship easily…

    would like to ask all the married women n the ones who are in a relationship here…. does ur partner goes off to sleep or just leaves the bed immediately after having sex \?? doesn’t he cuddle up with u or fondle with u…. n both of u lie on the bed for a long time… unless if u guys wanted to have a quickey:D:D

  17. Steve

    August 12, 2011 at 12:26 pm

    While I agree that men love sex and that sex seems to rule the world, I don’t agree with you when you say “For ‘most’ men, marriage is another goal in life which is achieved by losing his freedom to a woman”.
    You’re not at all ‘cent percent right here’! Have the encounters you’ve had, all been with the wrong men? 😉 These may have prompted you to use the words ‘most men’ more than often!

    There are bad men around… but not ‘most’ Val 🙂

  18. Valerine

    August 16, 2011 at 7:57 am

    Hey Himanshu welcome to my blog 🙂

    That was sweet 🙂 Well I hope and wish most men are like that 🙂

  19. Valerine

    August 16, 2011 at 8:01 am

    Hey Steve thanks for dropping by 🙂

    Well I agree with you that I might not been cent percent right here…but then more than my encounters this post is about what I have heard and witnessed, and thus put down my conclusions…Again I am sure it is not true for all men..that’s why I said most and not all 🙂

  20. The British Asian Blog

    September 3, 2011 at 6:04 pm

    WOW Ladies calm down – @ It’s My Thoughts, and @ Khanum – Girls (and those who agree with them) need to reassess their views. It takes two hands to clap not just one. If Men are indulged in sexual activities its because men are encouraged and led astray by the opposite sex (i.e. the other hand that completes a clap).

    Men understand sex to be important, and yes its a satisfaction in its own right – that said, what makes the satisfaction is a relationship. Now these relationships are individual and love was made for both sides not just one. Yes – women are more emotional and more prone to react to sensitive issues but its simple – men can handle their emotions more responsibly and have control of their actions over sensitive issues. Men are able to absorb the pressure whereas women need to share it endlessly with other women alike – sorry girls I’m talking from experience.

    Disclaimer – I am entitled to my opinion.

  21. Preejush

    September 5, 2011 at 1:02 pm

    I agree with writing “Most” makes the post look biased and as TBAB said it takes two hands to clap..I have known many friends who indulge in a relationship after getting married mostly to have sex..but the shocking thing is the girls whom they indulge with (mostly office collegues) know for a fact that the guy is married.

  22. Khanum

    September 15, 2011 at 5:50 pm

    Dear Vel. where are yu?

  23. Valerine

    September 22, 2011 at 6:26 am

    Sorry friends for that disappearing act…Work just dint give me the time…

    @ British Asian Blog – Well I really wonder if men have control over their actions 😛 Thanks for dropping by 🙂

    @ Preejush …..Your instance is 1 in maybe 15…Nd i never said women are saints…but yes men are definitely not saints either 🙂 Thanks for visiting 🙂

  24. Valerine

    September 22, 2011 at 6:28 am

    Hey Khanum…I missed posting stuff and reading all the wonderful blogs…Work at office and home left me with hardly any time to post…However I shall make up for the disappearing act 🙂

  25. Khanum

    September 22, 2011 at 8:55 pm

    Right! Come baq to us soon. Don’t give up like Titatnic. 😛


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