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Monthly Archives: August 2011

misS 21st centuRY!

So what answer do you get when you ask yourself, am I a 21st century girl/woman? Of course YES is the instant answer like the instant coffee,piping hot and refreshing in the initial few sips…..but then as you reach somewhere mid-way it gets colder and bitter. Even the greatest coffee lover in the world cannot deny it. Well this is the thing with most (if not all) 21st century women. The fact that we are bestowed with best education, are given the liberty to make choices, decisions are at our disposal etc., gives the boost to engrave in our minds and hearts that we are the 21st century woman. But then what I wonder at times is what defines being  a 21st century woman? Good education, freedom of choice, adapting the western culture, being able to smoke and booze and yet not be judged by the society or people surrounding us or walking back home late at night with no fear of being molested or raped? Or yet a level below, not being beaten up by your drunk or conscious husband/ boyfriend (educated men included), not being sold to brothels by father, brother, uncle or husband,  or being modern and yet keeping the traditional ties intact. Honestly I am confused!!!

Rape, dowry deaths, suicides due to in-laws harassing may sound primitive, but they still make headlines in our daily dose of news and very much exist in large numbers in our society. What we call a modern day life has lead to in increase deaths due to depression, loneliness, stress and pressure. Something astonishing that I read a few days ago was about the increase in the number of suicides by young and successful models. They define what we call the modern day, independent girl/woman, living life at the edge. But in the glaring lights of fashion and glitterati, they are all lonely beings who live in dark holes where drugs, cigarettes and alcohol are their  only friends and their path to solace! Very unfortunate indeed.

While fashion and glamour world is an extreme example of a girl’s modern life, there is something in between that exists which is equally dangerous and terminal. Its like cancer that crawls inside one’s body for a very long time and then finally kills the person. Most of us lead our day to day lives very normally without even realizing that something of this sort exists. As a woman, she is expected to be great at multi-tasking. Gone are the days when woman took pride in being homemakers. Today women live by ambitions, and dreams to make it big. But that doesn’t giver her the liberty to be a mediocre at managing things at home. Maids these days are not easy to get and even if you manage to get one, they are definitely far more demanding than you would be at your work place. What I fail to understand is the fact about women being constantly judged. Judged by parents – (is this seed going to reap fruits?), colleagues ( eg- who said a girl wearing short skirt is trying to seduce men at work or trying to get an easy promotion?), critiques – (Will Mamata Banerjee be able to transform or reform Kolkata? ) husbands – (if a wife does not manage her career and house equally well and pleases his parents and relatives she is not a good wife or is not as good as his mother.)

Success doesn’t come in handy, one has to strive and struggle to taste success. And for today’s woman I guess, it definitely comes with a lot of SACRIFICE, STRIVE & STRUGGLE.

While nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it is going to be this hard!!!

 
 

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Sex & Marriage!

Oh yes, it reads correct- SEX & Marriage. Well not that we are unaware of the facts of life, but ya there are doubts we all have. And this question mark expression on my brow for sometime now lead me to brood and  finally write this post. We graduate, from crushes to puppy love, flirting, dating, falling in love and then finally getting married. But then as we grow out of one phase & grow into another, what defines it as ‘the ok or alright thing to do in that phase’?  I have of course gone through all of these stages and have entered the sacrament of matrimony and decided to settle with it.

But what I wonder more often than just accepting facts is, what expectations do men and woman have from marriage and specifically from Sex? I know how it feels during the different phases in life whether it is kiddish, stupid, foolish or even conniving. And hearing this from most of my female pals, that when you outgrow your puppy love or dating phase, you feel so stupid about what you did, I think we all learn only when we experience what is wrong or incorrect or maybe realizing there is a pit only after falling in it. Well  after a certain age when you mature enough and realization descents upon you, you grow wiser and become prudent. Experience is the mother of all the gyan (speeches, counseling etc)  that people in the world give and many pen it down and publish it making it best sellers as well. But do normal people like you and me go by what we hear, read or watch? I don’t think so. Situations vary so do people and their perspective about life.

And that’s precisely why I chose to write about sex and marriage. For most women (not all of course) marriage is the epitome of love and commitment.  It is a different & new life altogether, where she would feel secure, taken care of, be independent yet depend, in short give her a new lease of life. Well it is not the case with men (has never been from Adam’s time). For most men, marriage is another goal in life which is achieved by losing his freedom to a woman. A compatible sex partner and a girl who will make his house a home and of course take care of all his needs, while he earns max part of the bread. Though this is the generic stuff, there is lot more to do with sex after marriage. Not that people wait till marriage to indulge in the act, it becomes more of the thing to do when the man hits the bed. I may not be cent percent right here. But in the recent past came across a lot of such incidents that lead me to think why do men keep emotions at bay while making love, or consider sex as the ultimate form of pleasure?

A couple of months back my best friend (who had a love marriage) gives me the good news that she is pregnant. And since they had planned the baby, she was very excited and happy to welcome the baby. So was her husband. My friend is a prankster and so she thought of playing a prank on her husband. She told him that their doctor has asked her to refrain from sex till the time their baby is born. He was literary shattered. He was extremely disturbed and was not able to concentrate on work. After 2-3 days he told my friend to go for a second opinion and see if they could have sex at least till the 5th month which is the normal thing. She laughed and laughed and then told her husband that she was just playing a prank on him and it would be ok till the 5th month. I too laughed when she told me this, but then I was wondering, shouldn’t the husband be ok with it, if the mother and baby’s health is going to be at risk?

Yet another friend of mine called me and was weeping and weeping (not that I am an agony aunt, just that I become good listener if some1 is in trouble). I was obviously wondering what had happened till she told me that her sister’s husband was having an affair with someone while her sister is 7 months pregnant. I was shocked and had no clue what to say. I just couldn’t believe my ears, because I know this guy and he seemed to be the most sweet and understanding & responsible guy. I dint know what the hell was he doing sleeping with another woman when his wife was due to give birth to their child in 2 months.

A good friend of mine married this guy against her parents’s wish. The guy seemed to be good, decent and responsible. Was doing well for himself and above all loved my friend to death. So we all supported her and they got married. A year later they had a baby boy and both were very happy till the guy got a better opportunity and had to move to another city to pursue his career. My friend was not in a position to quit her job and move with him, since the baby was just a year old, and thus decided to stay back in their hometown. He come once a month to visit her and their baby and things were going fine till one day she got to know that he was having an affair with his colleague. Apparently the guy never told anyone that he was married and had a baby. My friend was shattered and dint know what to do as she could not even tell her parents about it and friends were her only comfort. I was extremely disturbed and upset seeing my friend with a 1 year old baby go through this turmoil.

I quoted these examples and have heard and seen many more incidents where infidelity wrecks marriage and if not all the time but most of the time it is men and the sex. Is sex so important that people leave their morals and become selfish enough to forgot everybody who’s lives are involved along with theirs?

I have often heard my male friends and men say that it is not only difficult but impossible to understand women. But I have a question here, how is the importance of sex for men justified and how easy is to understand men with such immoral and selfish behavior?

 
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Posted by on August 3, 2011 in emotions, life, love, marriage, men, sex, women

 

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